he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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