ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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