I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize