my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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