1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
