just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
