Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
