He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
