Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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