he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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