Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
