im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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