everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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