who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
