She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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