Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
