So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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