I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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