The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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