Non-Jews are for practice
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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