I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
