Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize