He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
