I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
