Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
please come you make the beer taste better
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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