Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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