I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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