we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
