Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
