I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
