3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Terrible idea I love it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
