shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well I just put wine in my tea
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
