I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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