wat bout pragnant strippers??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
