She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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