My liver just broke up with me...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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