I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize