I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
