Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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