I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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