WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
