I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize