so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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