I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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