Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
