she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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