you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
