I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
