There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
