Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
