He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
