In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
