I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
