She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
