I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
