Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize