Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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