Pappa wants mamma naked
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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