Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
