I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
