Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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