i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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