You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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