i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
