birth control should be required to get into college
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
