well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
