dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
